There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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