Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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