i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
