I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
