So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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