I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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