If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
