So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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