I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
