"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
