U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
