Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
