you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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