I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
