at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
