i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We have so much sex to catch up on
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
