the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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