We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
