GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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