Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
