i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
