She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this will be a night to untag.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
And then he peed in my hair
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