We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize