He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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