so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
