dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
