You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
