Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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