i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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