The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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