sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
