Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
