You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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