She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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