I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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