cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
vagina is talking i cant
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
