at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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