I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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