So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
please don't ironically join a cult
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