wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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