just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
