I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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