i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
