I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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