i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
