I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
