is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
