is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize