I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
