that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
