I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
