My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
