Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
