you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
