you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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