I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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