Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
