Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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