dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
