Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
