This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
