i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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