nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
