I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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