I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
