i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
