im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
