My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
