worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize