a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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