that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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