if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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