for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
