do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
