Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so let's talk penis.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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