Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
