drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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