I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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